It will ALL fall apart and it’s ALL up to me.
As I was taking a walk this morning, thoughts and to-do lists running through my head. I felt as if it was all up to me. If I didn’t pick up the pace and put everything in line, everything will go to shit, and once again, everyone will think I’m a failure.
This might sound dramatic and over exaggerated, but it’s true, this is how I have lived the last 41 years of my life.
Living under the impression that my family, work and friends will all be ruined if I don't live my life with total perfection. I don’t have the time to be a kid anymore. I don’t have time to be creative. I don’t have time to connect with my friends.
I can’t climb a tree, that would be silly!
Who has the TIME to climb a tree or do a cannonball in the pool. I used the word time, the lack of time, but what I think it is, is FEAR.
* “What will people say?” Fact: This sentence has killed more dreams than anything else in the world. – Prince Ea *
I have a fear of acting young and free. What will others think? What will my coworkers think? There goes Brent, doing funny shit on Facebook again. So much of my resistance is based on what others think. Always going through these back and forths when I am not feeling safe. When I am not feeling safe, I go through this hamster wheel of life with no sight of the end, except death.
How did I get out of this feeling? Maybe Gucci head to toe?
I went to the grocery store. Funny right? I went to the store, so at the very least, I could be productive. This is the way I have dealt with being scared my whole life. While at the store, I couldn’t help but notice a guy dressed to the T! Gucci head to toe, including his mask! I couldn’t help but giggle, I noticed my step get a little lighter.
How did I start feeling that Safe Harbour?
In the parking lot getting in the car, Anne stopped me and said, ‘Laugh with me.’. I said ‘What?’, she said ‘Laugh with me.’ I looked around to make sure no one was around, and we started laughing. It was totally fake at first, but we started to laugh for real when we saw in each other's eyes how difficult it was to do so.
By the time we were done, I was flying, nothing was in my way or stressing me out. I was free!
It only lasts for a second. We got in the car, halfway there I was right back in it, feeling the pressure of it all. Why would that last for such a short period of time? Especially because I was aware of what just happened and how free I felt. It is just another example of how I need to entrain myself, over and over, day after day, so I can put myself in these ‘Safe Harbour’s’, more often.
I don’t want to focus on that! I want to focus on where I am at the moment, my safe place, in my Safe Harbour.
Safe Harbour is my place where I feel creative, passionate and connected to everyone I love. At this moment, as I am writing this, I feel safe. I feel creative. I feel supported. I feel free to express all I want to express. I am open to being perceived by others however they feel free to perceive me. I am expressing what I feel I need to release.
I have the power to create this fear in me.
I have the power to make it so real. I have the power to believe it, so much so, that I actually declare it to other people with such conviction. What if I used this super power for good?
What if I decided to make that TRUTH a positive one?
What if I focused on where I am at the moment, in my Safe Harbour? I want to laugh more. I want to decorate this world with all my creativity and passion before I die! I will do so, but it is just the beginning of my adventure.
I will be patient with myself!
I know that I don’t have the answers, I don’t know how to feel safe all day long, but I do know that I will try and laugh any time possible. With laughter, my mind can change. When my mind changes, it opens a fresh palette to create what I am here for.
Thank you for experiencing this with me.
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Brent is grabbing anything and everything to be excited about. He is an Air Traffic Controller by trade, enthusiastically guiding our flying family and friends through the skies.With this go at life, he is loving to share the diamonds that are found by collaborating and laughing with others. His passion is to discover the ways and tools for everyone to soar to new heights, WITH YOU!